Hello my little lovelies,

What a time to be joining a new project sharing thoughts on all things life and motherhood hey? It’s a funny old time in general globally as we sit in the midst of a shit-storm called Covid-19. Unprecedented really isn’t it? We watch, from a social distance of course, as friends and family delight or despair at the situations they find themselves in, often both within the same day. We feel the same sometimes, and other days we feel so polarised from their thoughts – it’s a rollercoaster for sure.

For us as a family the escalating virus brought a heart wrenching decision to leave our home behind in Pakistan – I mean seriously how did that even happen? How were we even there? That’s a whole other story, that I tried to document through photos of our journey over on instagram, a process to keep thoughts fresh in my mind and my heart, but really I need to write down in all it’s emotional glory.  

We made it to England, where we have somewhere safe to rest and wait. But our hearts and minds are still wandering in far off lands. One of you has already exclaimed that you hate England and want to be back in India, and I know how you feel. So pulled in different directions. Grateful for the here and now. For space and heat and beds to sleep in. And oh how happy we are to be on the same timezone as grandparents and cousins – for Facetime storytime with the little ones, and catchup chats without planning and scheduling.  But feeling displaced by being in a place that’s never been home to you.

We watch news updates avidly to see how things are in former homes; in China, in UAE and in India – people we love are there and they’re having a tough time. There’s some guilt that we’re in this beautiful land and can go for our walks once a day when we know exactly what it could feel like to be confined to a small apartment all together. We fear for the daily wage workers in India and Pakistan, who only feed themselves and their families if they sell enough that day. And how can they make sales in the middle of a lockdown? We contrast that to news stories from other lands of people stockpiling essentials, so they’ll be OK, and yet leaving other vulnerable people without. People (Governments even?) trivialising the severity of the situation and the risks essential workers are taking so that the consumerism show can go on. We know that we’re all dealing with this as best we can, and within the means we have at our disposal. Every situation different, and yet we’re all in this together somehow.

Time will tell how this changes us. And by us I don’t just mean our little family, I mean our small communities, and our larger humanity. I think in many ways it’s easier for us, we’re used to a simple life, to living with so little in our tiny van home, we’re used to being together 24/7 – even sleeping in a different room to you now feels strange – we’re used to being resilient and adapting to new ways of coping, to finding joy in nature or quiet moments, to not having online shopping and 150 television channels, to making do with what we have and mending what we need to, to treading as lightly as possible on our planet,. But I know it’s hard for you girls too – your present and future have both changed. They’re different to what we imagined and we can’t go back to being as we were again – that boat has sailed for our family now. But we’ll be OK, you’ll be OK. I believe in you, you’re a pair of tough cookies, with a global outlook, and hearts that encompass the universe, and those qualities will hold you in good stead. Through this, and the future.

I love you my girlie whirlies, Mama, xx

I’m hugely honoured to be joining Artifact Motherhood; a collaboration of artists from around the world who have come together to share our stories of the joys and struggles of our journey. Through our writings and visual records, we want to create memories that are more than photographs with dates written on the back. Started by Diana Hagues and Hollie Stokes, these posts are the artifacts we are leaving behind for our children and for generations to come. Please check out the next artist in our blog circle, the wonderful Lauren Webster, and continue through all the artists until you get back to me

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April 2020 | Yorkshire | England