Here we are again girls, back in Delhi. We’ve been here since August and so much feels the same, but so much feels different. The first month was spent sitting at these same windows, the ones we watched the second wave rampage across the city through. We were held indoors again, but this time not by the pandemic but by the need to quarantine and by the relentless monsoon rains that I actually secretly enjoy! But since they’ve eased we’ve started to feel settled, at least a little bit. You stepped foot in school for the first time in 829 days. That’s an awful long time to hang out at home, mostly with only your Mama, at an age where you should be gaining increasing independence and freedom. But then Delhi doesn’t allow for much freedom for teenagers either does it? It’s weird, it feels good to be here and yet constricting too. And the future still feels unknown. Will the pandemic come back? Will we still live here next year? If not where? Will we ever live with your Baba again? If so, where because there are no schools where he is. What happens next? Questions, questions…..
I feel this unsettled swirl in the pit of my stomach, and though I try my absolute best to shoulder the worries for you both I know you feel it too. I remind you, wherever we are together is home. That was the case as we travelled the world, while we lived in a van, when we slept on trains. It’s the same now. We are together, we are home. But we don’t have our “stuff” and although our previous vanlife means we all know stuff doesn’t make a home, familiar things definitely help. But again we came here with just 3 suitcases. Still nomadic, now less out of choice, and feeling somewhat against our will. But we are strong, we step on, forwards, making a home, creating in this home, exploring our surroundings, grounding ourselves in rituals and routines and learning as we go – learning the ways of this part of India, learning about ourselves and our inner strengths and building on the teamwork we 3 always do so well together.
I will always be here to lift you onto my shoulders my loves. To bare the weight of the world with you. To hold your hards and hug you tight. To listen and love and lean in with you. No matter where we are, no matter where that home is.
I love you both so much, Mama, xx
This post is part of Artifact Motherhood, a collaboration of artists/mothers from around the world. Sharing stories of the joys and struggles of our journey. Our hopes and dreams for our children. With little nuggets of wisdom here and there. These are more than photographs with dates written on the back. These are the artifact we are leaving behind for children and the generations to come. Next please visit the wonderful Hollie Stokes HERE
October 2021 | New Delhi | India