My firstborn child is an adult. I mean I knew it would happen, obviously. But still I feel all at odds with formulating the words to describe how it feels. Of course I want to say how proud I am of her, but it’s more than that, there’s a deep intensity and admiration within our relationship that almost makes me in awe of her. She holds herself within any room with a grace that I never had at that age.

And I wonder how we got to that? Was it always something in her, or have I imparted some piece of my significantly older wisdom into her? I know I’ve grown up through parenting her – realised things about myself that I’d never have learnt without her, and the significant challenges we’ve been through together. She holds a feisty passion, I think that was from me, but she handles it with maturity that impresses me. I know at 18 mine spilled out in all kinds of messy directions as I tried to utilise it to propel me.

She has fire and love in her soul and I know that’s a mirror of me, but me now, not my teenage self who was scared of those feelings that were patterns I hadn’t seen before. She’ll do good things in the world, I know that. We need people who are kind, whose hearts are open. Sure ambition helps, education helps. But kindness, that’s where it’s really at.

And so, as I watch her step out into the world with pride, both of her, and at the fact I raised a human to adulthood I feel all tongue tied because she’s so different from anything I knew or expected 18 years ago. And watching her become herself has been the most beautiful journey of all.

I love you so much my Saffykins, Mama xxxx

Images from your 18th birthday party | February 2024

This post is part of Artifact Motherhood, a collaboration of artists/mothers from around the world. Sharing stories of the joys and struggles of our journey. Our hopes and dreams for our children. With little nuggets of wisdom or reflections on life here and there. These are more than photographs with dates written on the back. These are the artifacts we are leaving behind for our children and the generations to come.

Next please visit these wonderful ladies who have also penned letters to their children: Diana Hagues and Leila Balin

March 2023 | New Delhi | India